Forgiveness And Release Of Guilt Gave Me Wings

Now it is time for us all to move forward.

I can feel a shift occurring in my life.

It is physically emanating off my body like an electric current.

I can feel it coursing through my finger tips. My family won’t let me touch their electrical equipment lol

I’m utterly exhausted. Its been such a hyper sensory last few days it has paradoxically drained me and fuelled me.

Like a tower moment in a deck of cards or a great Spiritual cleansing.

I see what is coming now. I’m ready and so are my tribe.

I am not afraid, I’m here excited and so are my tribe. I also now get to add new students to the new structure. A total do over.

I feel like I’m on a drug free high and it’s weird.

But I saw…. really saw…. who and what mattered in my life. People I didn’t even see had been there all along and it humbled me down to the core.

I feel like I took on the Devil and won for lack of a better term.

I feel like David beat Goliath inside the dynamic surrounding my life, my gift and work and beat him.

Because my tribe made me strong enough to take it on.

My children, my Husband, my Best Friends, my fans and supporters.

The ones who let me cry, learn, fear, grow, establish, fix, fuck up, break, fix, buckle, die and regrow myself within the structure of my entire being.

The ones who held me afloat, lifted my head above the water, threw me a life line, or reached out and said “This work is too important…. DON’T give up….. we believe in you”.

They made me strong enough to keep going, get the strength I needed to know where my battles lay and fight them including the battles going on internally.

I knowing what I couldn’t trust I learned what I could trust.

In allowing myself to destroy my body and mind I was able to eventually heal my Soul.

In losing everything I saw I lost nothing but gained so much more than I ever thought I’d lost.

All because I listened to the voices in my head and trusted my gut instinct every single time.

In knowing where I went wrong I saw it happened for the right reason’s and that out of shit does indeed grow roses.

My roses are blooming and full of bees making sweet nectar.

My gift I have TOTAL mastery of.

My work is complete and my relationships firmly set in place I’m ready to put it all into practice, this new life as a new me.

I am going to get back into radio, maybe even do night classes for people in my area, write my book, and teach.

I want to help those at their lowest look up to the horizon that waits for them.

I want to be the voice for the voiceless and show those too afraid to speak to shout.

I want to show people that death and our connection to it is 50% psychological and 50% biological and it can totally be mastered if you just listen long enough to look for the signs to hear them.

I want to show people how we can help the dead, and the grieving if we all work together.

I want to show people the dead are funny, entertaining, enlightening and life giving on so many levels you can never stop counting the ways.

And I’m going to do it by just being me.

The me I always was, but was just never allowed to be because I allowed myself and others to try to change me into something I wasn’t.

If you harbor guilt, release it. Let go of ego and soar on the wings the freedom you get from it gives you.

Guilt is a higher consciousness created karma. Pulling you up on negative behaviour that if unreleased can turn into debt you carry with you into the new life path you take.

It’s ego led and its hard I know, trust me I know. But since 2015 until now I went to everyone from as far back as 30yrs ago to release mine and it was exhausting but so worth it.

I fought my demons and won.

My demons were low confidence, distrust, fear of abandonment, judgment, obesity, laziness, low self esteem, not speaking my truth, feeling worthless, stubbornness, anxiety, depression, over thinking, agoraphobia, self deprecation, fear of letting others down, paranoia and now I’m fucking awesome HA!

Just kidding….. Now….. I’m Free.

Free from the devil that brainwashed me letting me think I was all those things all because I listened to the right voices in my head which I was able to do when I started losing weight.

My BMI has gone now from 65% to 29% in almost 4yrs on the 29th July.

I just had a medical check up with my surgeon and he said I am an inspiration and should motivational speak.

While I still have 23lbs to go before I’m in the middle of the weight range I should be for my height my best friends are waiting to take me bikini shopping lol they promised they’d come with me and we’d go make a day of it and then come with me to wear it in a show of support. I’ve never worn one ever. I was 19 stone at 14yrs old so it was never going to happen. That’s 266lbs to Americans.

But now I have abs lol my ex husband and children have been my tower of strength in support in that area of my life. My ex husband now power lifts and we exercise together with our boys.

He’s the only person alive who will actually tell me if my bum looks big or my outfit doesn’t suit me.

I could never lose the bond he and I have developed through all of this.

We both helped each other exorcise our demons and it was touch and go for a minute but here we are, together throughout it all and in spite of it all.

What it has taught our children about the divorce, mental and physical health and respect dynamic has been invaluable. They use maturity and psychology in matters of conflict resolution and cooperation in their own day to day relationships with people and society.

My son going through puberty has been able to bypass a lot of the dark days his hormones put him through associated with puberty because of how I taught him to cope with it.

It’s been a hell of a ride since July 29th 2015. When I decided to change my mind and change my body it changed my life forever and gave me total and complete mind, body, spirit balance and now this is what I’m going out into the world to do.

Paranormal activity is caused mostly by stress and the bad choices people have made that get caught up in the atmosphere.

I am going to fix that.

And for the genuine activity that’s real life dead people I’m going to fix that too.

I can help people cope in so many ways its not funny.

I want to do a late night Paranormal talk back radio.

Radio is my passion since my sister and I were little girls. We would tape ourselves being Radio DJs and Talk back Radio bonded my Mum and I.

I have many fond memories of her and I listening to it when I was in my late teens and late 20s.

When I get to America I’ll do my own podcasts if I have to, and I’ll pay for air time on local TV stations doing Investigations my way. I’ve looked into it. Its incredibly inexpensive.

I am also writing again because its my compass.

And finally I’m going to heal hearts and minds by teaching what I am to those who need it and to those who want to help others too.

Then together enough lights shining side by side will illuminate the globe to heal the underworld and helping the dead one Paranormal event at a time.

Coz its all connected.

The time has come……

I felt it on Friday 31st May.

I physically felt the shift.

“Out of the ashes the phoenix begins to spread her wings ready to take flight and where she goes is up to her because she has total command of it because she knows who she is and where she is going with it.” to quote my 10yr old son.

(he watches my YouTube) he’s my biggest fan. He’s THAT awesome.

He’s a writer and has over 400 short stories written in his electronic gadget. He wants to be like Peter Jackson and George Lucas. He also wants to have roles in them lol

He wants to be a surgeon too so we shall see.

My gorgeous Capricorn. Love my Cappys.

Here’s to the next chapter of being.