Terrified Toddler

Just came running at me and jumped in my arms. She’s clung on so tight she made me gag from nausea.

She is trembling looking behind her. She’s shaking like a leaf with her arms so tight around my neck it’s making me sick.

I’m sitting up in bed having been woken up earlier by feeling people in my room when she just came out if nowhere.

My gut or intuitive area is still reacting from the shock. I’m a little taken back by it because she just came from nowhere.

Oddly she’s wearing a cotton nappy or diaper as Americans call it.

She’s looking behind her for a dark haired woman.

She looks Hispanic or maybe Arab possibly. I’m more inclined to say Hispanic.

She’s some sort of sitter or carer because this little bean is blonde haired, blue eyed.

There’s so much anger in this woman. These sadism there behind her energy.

I’m looking at her house.

Its somewhere hot like Florida. Its around that area.

I think it’s daycare possibly.

There’s other children there.

The house is a pinky brown colour with a touch of apricot. Its hard to describe.

I’ll try to find it after I describe what I see.

Its the sort of neighborhood you’d expect to see a Cadillac up the drive of in the 1950s or 60s.

Its got a smooth driveway to the right of the house and a 6ft give it take fence dividing the house from the neighbors. Its part wood at the back and metal at the front.

There is a car port like structure. White painted poles or rails of this port attached to the house.

Its a white half glass half wood front door.

There’s two windows at the front of the house.

Its tidy. It looks tidy. It feels daycare but on the outside it gives nothing to say that it is a daycare.

No advertising or toys or anything.

This chubby little toddler is bare foot and naked but for her diaper.

It feels like I just happened to be walking past and the little girl saw her window of opportunity to run to me knowing she was safer with a stranger.

She’s hurting my throat she’s holding on so tight.

I’m sure it’s Florida. I’m too afraid to go inside. My heart is pounding through my stomach.

Should I go in? I’m scared at what I’ll see.

These kids are still alive I think. Its not a past thing.

I don’t think it’s a daycare either.

It’s gone dark all of a sudden.

As I go near the front door I can smell it before I go to the step.

It smells like feces and ammonia.

Like it’s in the floor boards.

Bags of rubbish, but spotless kitchen. Its so clean it’s creepy because the smell is horrendous.

I can hear cartoons in the living room.

Its warm inside. No windows open.

I know people are in that room and I have to go look.

Let me describe the kitchen.

Its dark cupboards. Dark brown, white bench top that looks like bad marble.

There’s a microwave above the stove.

Its all to my right. The kitchen is U shaped if you turn the U on to its left side.

I’m standing at the door at the top of the U which leads into a big open dining room, living room.

There’s mattresses on the floor and children are on them.

6 kids, the toddler is the 6th.

A black boy about 9, a young white boy about 9, a girl of about 7, a girl of about 12, my toddler who’s about 2, and another girl about 12-14.

They’re clean but I can’t see where this smell is coming from because the house looks spotless. They’re sad, scared, it’s odd. Not a sound from any of them.

There’s barely any furniture.

It looks like it’s a holding house.

My heart is pounding. I can hear crying.

The Hispanic woman has headphones in. She knows what’s happening and is drowning it out to deny it.

The kids look afraid but the older kids look like they’ve lost the inability to feel emotion.

Is this the past? It looks odd. I can’t tell because the decor is old but they feel still alive.

They look like they rented it out and filled it with bits and bobs from Goodwill because of requirement.

I can’t figure out that smell.

I know what they’re doing and I won’t go in thank you because they’re making pornographic videos.

I think men come and pay to make them with the children and this woman watches and feeds the kids.

People have NO idea kids are even there.

The older girls try to protect the younger ones.

They’re now sedated a lot of the time.

They were run aways I think.

Trusted the wrong guys.

The others were given.

I think some parents are selling their kids for sex in order to pay debt or buy drugs.

Because these kids aren’t kidnapped. People come and collect them.

Except the two older girls.

So this means living children are reaching out to me too?

Or they’re dead? Its all the same to.me now.

That smell is the little girls nappy/diaper.

I know what’s happened….oh Fuck…….the little one, her backside is coming out in the nappy.

I think they perforated her bowel…………..I……………….I just……..I’m sorry I just don’t think I’m the woman for this job.

I need to make sense of it.

Why does it look old but feels now?

Why Florida? I did think Australia at first because I lived in a house in Perth WA like it in the 90s but it feels now.

They’re still alive I’m sure of it.

I need to distract my mind so I don’t see. I need to make sense of what I’m seeing because it feels like something isn’t right. Like my mind is trying to make sense of it but adding bits that aren’t real because it’s in shock so it’s filling in blanks. Please bear with me ok? This isn’t easy.

I’ll let you know what happens. But I know this little girl is either dead or dying. She won’t get help.

I don’t think they know what they’ve done yet.

The kids do.

I think I literally just felt my heart break.

This is the colour of the house.

Pinky brown with a touch of apricot. Just make it a shade or two lighter.

Its got white trim and car port.

Trees at the back like it’s near a beach actually. Its sandy soil.

The house is immaculate.

Its like…..it has to be so attention isn’t drawn to it.

I need a moment.

I’m sorry. Its just so much to take in having been asleep all night.

Xox