Get on board or get mowed down.
I’ve come to realise some pretty big truths about my life, my purpose, my journey, my gift.
Suddenly vision make sense. I’m trying up all my loose ends and everything I’ve been writing about with my journey in understanding time and death have come full circle.
Mamá si estás leyendo esto NO traduces de aquí
I get it now. I’ve learned it. I understand there is no Blob. It’s all just a series of conscience choices.
But if I could describe to you how I feel having come out of all of this with my sanity intact (I think lol but let’s be honest, it’s been dodgy lol even I’ve read some of my stuff back and thought “Da’fuck?”)
The word I would use to describe my experience is PEACE.
If you know my journey you’ll know it’s been hard from the second I was conceived.
My Mum had cervical cancer when she was pregnant with me.
I was plagued with spinal issues my whole life. Abused, raped, depressed, trying to understand my gift from 11-12yrs old. Blah blah blah.
It’s taken me 2yrs to figure this out.
January 16 is when I put the call out.
March is when the classes started as a group. The visions came.
I’ve been documenting my time slips since 2013 but by focusing on finding my students and bringing out of them the ones who could prove my training worked, and paying attention to the signs and lessons taught I’ve been through hell and found PEACE at the end.
I don’t fear the future or the present.
I’ve discovered so much about myself in this time.
My tolerances, my ego, my ability, my patience, my loyalty, reputation, my gift, my mind, my bravery, determination and my Soul all called before the judge that is me and assessed, evaluated, and tuned where necessary.
It’s been a humbling experience. I know it’s not been easy dealing with me especially to people who have met me and or tried to help and because part of what I am.
But probably my biggest lesson I’ve taken from this in regards to myself is “Not everyone can handle me and not everyone can be allowed to”.
I’ll be honest, I psychoanalys myself ALL the time.
I have wondered if Spirit and my gift aren’t paranoid schizophrenia and Bipolar with a bit of Autism and ADHD thrown in.
But can a person be aware of their own mental illness and be so fuckin entertaining with it?
Because let’s face it….. whether I make you laugh or cry I’m car crash tv at best and a romcom at worst.
You never know what’s gonna come out of my keys.
I literally type what I think as I’m thinking it. I don’t plan my posts.
I tried. I have a list of topics but I find when I feel the draw to type all hell breaks loose and my fingers type shit even my brain distances itself from lol
I hear the wheels burn as she speeds off to distance herself from my mouth lol
But I’m a spontaneous writer and stuff comes out. It helps me predict. It helps me file stuff away.
I think because I can’t do maths, writing is how I work out my maths.
My brian sees maths as words if that makes sense?
But the thing is…..am I gonna say I fell through space and time in my knickers or am I going to say I spoke to Queen Victoria?
With me who knows lol
But…..for all I’ve gotten it wrong for people, it’s helping me get it right for them too.
I hope to those I’ve hurt on my journey they know I truly never meant to.
If I said I loved you, I meant it. I’m sorry I hurt you and let you down but please know this…..if I let you go…..I had good reason and as much as it hurt I HAVE to think of the greater picture.
I have to put the needs of the many before the needs of the few.
I realized I can never have friends. I can never have a social group. I can never have anyone who hasn’t walked with me through this battle together in my circle.
I was too trusting. I am a dreamer of dreams. I am the Queen of The Dreamers.
Empaths are dreamers. We can see the bigger picture without seeing a single piece of the puzzle.
We forge forward with hard work, dedication and determination because we see the bigger picture and what needs to be done to place each puzzle piece.
But when people come along and try to pop my bubble it stops me in my tracks and disrupts the flow.
I tolerate so much but too many people try to tear me down in the name of “just watching out for you” or “I’m only thinking of you”.
I’m a lot to handle. It takes a string person to handle me.
You must be patient, you must be loving, you must be diplomatic. I believe everything I’m told, I’m naïve to those I trust and that can be bad for me. I attach easy to someone I love.
I’m needy. I need ALL your attention but I’ll also repay the kindness. I’m the one who sits with you until 4am helping you through dark times, I’m the one who will buy you little trinkets and gifts to show my love, I’ll let you near my kids and for me to do that shows how much I trust you. My children we’re raised knowing I am keeping them away from my work.
I’m not needy with everyone. Only those I love. When I love you I own you. If I own you I need you. It’s that simple lol I’m not clingy, it’s mostly for comedy effect lol but I’m exhausting.
Not everyone can handle my mind. It’s erratic to say the least.
I don’t like being told what to do unless it’s Spirit or my Dead. If they talk I listen. I don’t like the journey it takes when I don’t listen lol
I live so much in my own head now I’m the crazy lady sometimes talking to thin air.
I’m having episodes of living in the future where I physically react to what I’m seeing in the future in real time even if it’s a conversation taking place in the future lol
But I’ll see it all so clearly it’s like I’m there.
I wish I could hook Brian up to machines to see what is happening when I time slip because if I could understand it I KNOW I could help people with dementia and brain injuries.
My Brian just slips in and out and I’ll find myself reacting to something in this time, I’m seeing in the future.
The amount of times I’ve responded to someone’s question who isn’t even there but my ex and kids are, or laughed out loud to a conversation taking place etc….or raised my hand to shake someone’s hand etc….it’s not planned. It’s as quick as a blink of an eye but I remember every detail.
The more I go along with my mental the more I’m understanding time and how to manipulate it.
You’ve seen my journey, the green/blue the flashes of light etc….the broccoli, pen etc….it’s been quite the journey of psychological discovery to say the least lol
But here in lies my point about those closest to me.
The reason why they are now all I trust, need and want in my life is because inspire of it all they loved me regardless.
Inspite of what I’ve said or done, experienced or written about, they let me go through it and loved me without judgement.
Once people realise the idea of me isn’t as fun as the reality of me they lose interest.
The reality is this.
I’m a giant 5yr old girl with a old grumpy scientists brain, wrapped up in an Amazonian body and Scorpio attitude.
I’ll take so much. I’ll observe, I’ll remember. I believe the first thing I see and hear from you and that is always the issue because it doesn’t matter what you say to explain your action I’ll always remember the first thing you said or did.
First reaction, first instinct, first thought is always correct.
I’m willing to overlook so much. But I do expect a certain standard for people in my life. The basics, no prejudice, racism, bigotry, judgement etc….but I also expect loyalty. If I stopped being loyal to you it’s because you stopped being loyal to me.
I’m not prepared to entertain your feelings if they aren’t justified. You can think I’m this or that and it hurt your feelings but let me tell you why I don’t entertain frivolous emotion or pain without merit.
I know I’m a lot of things but no-one can say I don’t care about you or that I’m not loyal. If you push yourself on me I will move away, if you use emotional blackmail to get my attention I don’t entertain it, if you try to demand or sulk, I walk away because I don’t do drama and I don’t have time for drama if it’s not life changing critical for you because people turn their mistakes into other people’s problems and that’s not fair.
If your stressed about something important then I’m your girl. I’ll sit and starve helping you but too many people worry about nonsense that does nothing more than hinder their progress and they want other people to resolve the issue or take it away for them.
But I don’t work like that. Not now I’ve figured shit out.
I WANT to love everyone. But I’ll only love those who put in the effort. And like my training I’m hard work, I require focus, patience, dedication and loyalty but most of all I need UNCONDITIONAL love.
Which to me means loving me regardless of how I screw up or how many times.
Because I’ll love you unconditionally the same way.
I reflect what I absorb in all manners of empathy.
I also require quiet. When I go off into my head I need quiet. I need to go off and sit in silence. I will withdraw and people always think I’m having issues with them but it’s nothing to do with anyone but me and Spirit and I don’t have time to explain.
My besties let me just be with me.
My Cill gave me space when I needed it and when I came out of hibernation instead of giving me the Spanish Inquisition she just threw me in the car and took me for the most beautiful drive through Morehead City and the beaches there etc…
She lets me be me. Even when we snap at each other she knows how my gift works. She handles me with the special padded helmet I need in my life lol
That’s why I’m getting her tattooed on my wrist. I’m taking her with me to my ancestors. Her son Bryson is my partner in crime lol
In the last few months I saw what needed to change and I made the changes necessary because I saw the bigger picture.
I have had a very short sharp shock to my reality in the last 5 months. Everything I thought I knew since I started this journey as a 12yr old girl has changed in ways I NEVER saw coming. But I understand why it had to be done this way.
I laughed at my Teacher when she told me my media/public career wouldn’t start until I was in my 40d because I still had so much to learn.
I scoffed and thought “what does she know I’m way advanced”… 😒
Lol I knew FUCK ALL!!! At 27-28.
The Blue Pill is more than just for political and new world truth, trust that.
I’ve needed a couple of days to process it all.
Everything I knew has been a lie. Everything I know is brutal truth and because of it I’ve lost fear.
I’m no longer agoraphobic, I’m no longer 371lbs.
I’m no longer unhappy. Even if I have a screaming match with my husband (well duh!! He’s Gemini I’m Scorpio right? ) I don’t ever fear losing him.
To finally trust a love I never fear losing is liberating to say the least.
Yes we fight but he pushes me to correct my behaviour. My husband worships me. He puts me before anyone in his life. My kids and I are his world. He’d working so SO hard to better himself and it’s so sweet that his insecurity is that he thinks he’s not good looking enough for me lol
How hot is that? I’m 45 and look like the Witch from the Wizard of Oz with 38GG tits and he’s worried about not being good looking enough for me lol
It’s like…..? Have you seen him?
I want to put him on a stick and walk around with him above my head showing him off to people lol
I want to wear him as a backpack and never leave his side he’s so beautiful to look at. Like when you see a Michaelangelo for real but with drooling.
But to live a life where you don’t question anything anymore, where your aware enough to recognize your faults and fix them, when the noises you thought were Ghosts of your mind vanish because you see it so clearly now, when you reward yourself emotion, when you live by your gut and recognise the signs your spirit or soul are sending out etc…..when crossing a spirit over is a two second job and changes the lives of everyone involved, when you can show someone who has lived in darkness how to find their light and then show them how to use their light to illuminate their path so they see only light and no darkness……….
It would take a selfish person not to share it and do good with it.
Which is why I’m asking now.
Why are all these famous TV psychics and Mediums not risking their careers and reputation to warn people about the cleansing?
I’ve been doing it since 2013 publicly.
Why if their gifts are genuine aren’t their Spirits warning them about what’s coming?
Do you want an honest but entertaining approach to the Paranormal or just entertainment?
Because the dead aren’t limited to giving quick messages to loved ones.
If they see trouble coming, they earn you. If you don’t listen it’s on your head.
People are spending so much time trying to hear the dead they aren’t actually listening to what they’re saying.
Well I listened. And the biggest lesson of my life cane yesterday when I realized what I had to do in my life.
I have to start teaching people the truth and letting my life be the example.
I think I tour America. Books, lectures, talks, or show I don’t know but it gets recorded.
I think I go to India too. My two girls and I. With husband’s and kids in tow.
Everything is making sense.
I think I just go around helping people not fear Spirit and Death. Educating people on Psychics and Mediums, the paranormal and occult.
I think I need to just get out there.
Because my Marines, my Air Force, Army, Navy, Coast Guard’s, Homeless and Ex felons need me.
My school is important. I need to get this charity started so I can open my school.
Then I can Train people to be like me and start healing some Empaths because the world needs up.
After the tanks hit the streets and we start to rebuild the truth is going to be hard for a lot of people to deal with and a lot of people will be disjointed from faith.
And I can help them find theirs whatever it may be.
I don’t care who you are, what you are or what you believe. If I can help you help yourself and others then I’ll do it.
I’m also pretty sure I want it in Scotland eventually. Fife if I can.
I just know my dead. I came out this last phase of training knowing my dead and having unfathomable faith in what they tell me.
My Science I’m convinced of. I will argue anyone who says otherwise.
I know I’m exposing myself for ridicule but I’ve had 45yrs of preparation for that.
Trust me, when you grow up being fed a diet of ridicule from your family you learn to brush stuff off from strangers pretty easily.
I know people are going to lie about me, and tell stories but as long as I’m always honest with people I have nothing to fear.
I don’t like failing. If I know I’m not good at something or it doesn’t balance in my head it doesn’t matter how much you teach me or try to teach me I’m never going to learn it.
I’m autistic like that. I must be allowed to just master what I’m good at or trying to be good at.
If I’m on to something that feels right unstoppable at nothing to have it or know it because learning, educating myself is paramount.
What I learn I teach and what I teach helps people not fear death or want to die.
So everything I am from this point isn’t about me, or having friends, or being popular with the pretty girls.
I’m rebellious. The more I’m told no I do, the more I’m told don’t, I am.
I also now don’t give two flying fucks what people think about me or what I look like.
I don’t care about your opinion on my life, my kids, my husband’s past or mine.
All I care about is helping those who need it and appreciate it, and my broken boys and getting my dead sorted.
It’s not about the individual anymore. It’s about the whole. And I’ve had to sort through the individuals to find my whole.
I just have a small adjustment to make this weekend then I’ve found my clan.
We will be official. My Family, my Board of Directors.
It’s taken some deep searching and making adjustments but I’ve figured my life out.
Now I just need to reach the masses and get to America.
I need to get my book published too.
I have to do a second edition. Just don’t have right now.
I’m still saving for equipment, still losing weight and still writing what I see in the meantime.
I know I’m graduating if I haven’t already. Usually there’s a big reward at the end and some big council recognition then I know I’ve graduated.
I just know now I’m of the Light rather than White Lighter now the privileges are extreme so I’ve got to earn the right to have those privileges.
But the only thing I want is what I asked for in the beginning.
Nothing has changed.
I said I just wanted to be with those I loved in America. Husband by my side, ex with my boys and I, making enough money to have a home to call ours, doing what I love, safely and making enough money to do all the things I need to do like paying wages and bills for us all and my school and business without worrying and fear.
But I’m prepared to work as hard as I have to to get it and I’ll take responsibility for myself without question and I promised never to take more than I needed in life.
I want to be happy and at peace not rich.
I just want to travel. I want to see the world with my family. Make memories not money.
But I need to make money to take care of everyone I feel obligated to which are my family, staff, students, charity, clients etc…..to be the best for the dead and represent all they are to us so we can heal through these troubled times coming.
I’ll let you know if the council do a big reveal. It means I graduated. I wonder what my gift will be?
Visa? I hope so lol
If I have taught you anything, if I’ve helped in anyway it’s been worth all the toilet.
Thank you for being a part of my journey.
I feel like my Blog is coming to an end soon.
I think time won’t allow it.
I’m hoping to turn the information from it into a book.
But one day soon this blog will be shut down.
I feel like I’m preparing to say Goodbye to everyone.
I feel movement and my writing takes a more mainstream turn.
But we will always have BoobTube lol
At least you don’t get my spelling mistakes and grammatical errors lol
Then you’ll see what I mean by “real me” because the thing is …I REALLY am as I appear on here just more exhausting lol
People have told me my whole life they can’t figure me out.
But I think it’s just because they never gave themselves the time or the pleasure to want to.
Because I’m loyal, I’m honest, no-one will love you more. Whether I know you or not. I will hug you within an inch of your life if you need it stranger or not.
But the fact I might in the street to discuss physics with a parrot in the café is inconsequential to anything I am as a person when you get past the embarrassment and remember I talk to animals and the parrot may have been correcting one of my lines of enquiry with a theory.
Or if I see something sad it’s gonna devastate me and I’ll need a hug or Chipotle to cheer me up.
There is nothing in life that can’t be fixed with a good feed of Chipotle.
If I go off by myself please don’t follow. If I’m quite don’t ask questions. Just ask yourself what must be going on in my head.
It’s not easy for me exposing myself to the public because I’ve had so much to hide myself from growing up.
But I decided to do this because I know there are so many like me out there and they don’t know how to process how to handle what they are or what’s happening with the voices, the gift or depression.
I’m exposing myself to show you that hearing voices and having feelings and thoughts aren’t a bad thing. If you listen to them it leads to peace.
I am happy for the first time in my life.
My life has direction and purpose.
I’m determined to prove everyone wrong and I’m so close to going mainstream and my journey in this blog is coming to an end.
I can feel it. It’s gonna get turned into a book and shut down I think.
I can feel it now I’m graduating.
After this….. mainstream privilege.
Army in tow.
I feel someone watching that changes everything and he’s close.
Watch this space.
Just don’t give up on me. I’m not perfect. I make mistakes. But my fuck ups will be your lessons as well as mine.
I’ll figure it out eventually. You know I always do and if I’m wrong I’ll correct it.
Because I have to lead by example after all and my nickname growing up back home in New Zealand was “The Corruptor”
I’m sure I don’t know why….😒😈
But I guess I have to be a little less Corrupty now I’ve got sponzerbiraly (my son when he was 5)
As long I’m not responsible and boring.
Being boring would do me in. I’m too much Scorpio to be average lol
It’s a little more of “I ave rage” and less of the just average lol
I have goals I’ve set myself when I’m let loose on the world.
I want my photo taken with as many different state or country policemen and women as I can.
Try as much flavours and tastes that aren’t gross looking, sounding or smelling as I can coz I’m not going to eat a sheep’s eye to make the locals feel good. I’m sorry. I’ll have to be rude lol
There are stinky, yucky foods in this world. Keep then with you and I’ll eat chips lol
But I really REALLY want to go to India and go to a spice market and learn to cook authentic curry from scratch.
I don’t know why I’m drawn to India but it’s been in the last 3yrs.
I never liked curry until 2yrs ago. When you go off sugar food tastes better but I can only eat so much because everything has sugar in it nowadays.
So I’m seeking out new tastes and flavours especially now I’ve got my gluten sensitivity.
I LOVE my ex’s curries.
I want to make my own Craft ales, gluten free especially.
I want to sleep on the beach in summer under the stars and smoke some fuck off good weed with my man and kids (adopted not biological).
I just want to write, think and teach. I want to love everyone and make people not be afraid of death.
It’s so much more than what people are allowed to think it is.
So now I’m in my dream train barrelling down the tracks and nothing is going to stop me.
I want Psychics and Mediums, New Age, Gurus, Wiccans and Pagan and Normie Norms to HATE me…. because I put them out of business.
Because once I’m done everyone will be just like me.
I’m going to take everything people thought they knew about death and tip it upside and I want some of these people arrested and charged with fraud.
I’m also going to smoke weed in every State and have a weed room with bongs and pipes, papers and lighters I’ve collected from my travels.
When I’m in a certain mood I’ll say “husband……fetch me my “contemplation pipe” lol or “daughter fetch me my rage bong”.
I’m going to get an old apothecary table with various grades and shrioms in each drawer.
It will say things in each drawer like “for when I’m in pain”
“For when your pissing me off”
“For when I need to zonk and escape the reality of myself”
That sort of thing.
I’ll have the best headphones under $80 money can buy because I couldn’t justify spending more even though headphones are an integral part of my work. My people know if I’m in my headphone zone I’m working.
Only my kids can interrupt me. Even though it’s usually met with a “tut and tut-haw” they’re the only ones ever allowed to interrupt me when I’m working unless it’s important or I’m being brought cuppys or food because cuppys (cups of tea) is the life source to my anything and I get so engrossed in my work I forget to eat which drives my ex and husband nuts.
They talk on the phone about me like two gossiping old ladies.
I swear to feckin blob I call them “My two Dad’s”.
They never let me have any fun.
I get stopped from doing all sorts of fun yet stupid shit.
One will talk to the other like Blanche and Sophia in the Golden Girls and next thing I’m being lectured for hours by my husband.
I don’t know why buying a tattoo gun off eBay and tattooing your vagina is such an arrestable offense lol
I just can’t find anyone who can do it where I want it lol
Could I get an infection? Yes but I’m a very fastidious person when it comes to things needing to be sterile.
I did all my own ears as a child of 10/11/13.
And yes what I wanted could end up looking like you dropped cheese on it but who’s gonna see it?
People will just think I’m paying homage to the days she’s more like dairy than seafood hahahaha
Mama if you reading this please don’t translate haha
I just don’t care anymore. I’m gonna start speaking my truth and the truth is I love sex. I think about it constantly. I am addicted. Pleasing a man is all I live and breathe for.
Because it feels so much more than it ever did when I was trying to be average.
And half our trouble as Empaths is we deny who we are to ourselves because people around us deny us in themselves.
Well it’s not up to us to fit in with society, it’s up to society to fit in to us.
I’ll attract the following and support I’m meant to and those people will get me for exactly who and what I am. They are who I am for.
And I like weed, sex, cars, guns, cartoons, beer, meat, rugby, video games, animé Miyazaki especially, swearing and coming up with as many ways to make people laugh as possible.
My man is my world. My sex is for him. But I will talk about it because I’m obsessed lol
I won’t be vulgar. But you will see it.
If I offend you I’m sorry but when you tune in to energy like I have, the way I have……see that sexual magnetism….it’s like a Natural high. It’s so much more than being aroused.
It’s also possession. It’s the only way to describe it.
It’s awakened things in me I never knew about myself and because I’m now 10 hundred and 64lbs lighter I can actually do positions now without fear of deflating the man I’m on top of lol
And I’m definitely a PvC, Leather, Rubber kind of girl. I just need the body for it first HAHAHA some costumes and role play……just no sharing. I don’t share friends let alone my man lol
You learn just how jealous a Scorpio can be when your husband looks like mine. I’m psychopathic.
But he doesn’t care so it’s ok. I’m not like knife welding, car smashing, I’m go deadly cold, quiet, get nothing from me psychopathic. I’ll pretend he’s not even there even if he stares right in my face and all he’ll of done was like open a door near a female.
But in my defense, he’s hot, I don’t deny my crazy, and my best friends get the same treatment lol
My Bitch Cill, will be reading this. She knows…… I don’t share. She’s mine. She knows who she belongs to lol hahaha
If I meet you and love you I won’t share you either.
I can’t wait to get out there. My ultimate goal is to meet Jordan Peterson. I think we could talk for a while him and I.
His Majesty The Queen Milo Yannopoulous too.
I also want to do Route 66, go to a gun range and fire off some rounds, cross all those Spirits over at Yosemite national park….etc….
But it’s gonna be an adventure, my life.
Entertaining to say the least.
And I’m just letting you know “what’s up”.
To prepare you for the Tornado that is Me coming to raise a roof near you.