She has cut her wrists and is laying in the bath dying and there is nothing I can fucking do.
She did it Sunday night. The water is freezing. Her hair is in a lazy bun.
She’s weak but conscious. She has medium brown hair.
I keep seeing a black and pink cat for some reason. A stuffed cat or ornament or something like that.
She hears voices. She can’t tell the good ones from the bad ones anymore.
The bad ones tell her to kill herself.
She is just starting to realize the voices come from childhood trauma. She suffers from PTSD but where she psychologically relives her torment over and over because it’s stuck in her psyche. It’s a loop because it’s a severe trauma. It wasn’t her fault.
I am stone cold frozen. I’m surrounded by duvets and a hotwater bottle (Ladies will know…. if you know what I mean? It’s PJs, warmth, tea, dried fruit (apricots for me chocolate for you) day.
But I’m stone cold, shivering, teeth chatting so much my boobs ache from the cold and I’m having to correct words 100 times because the chattering is making me make spelling mistakes and my left arm throbs like a hot feckin blade. The pain is excruciating.
I hate this way to die because you drown and once the water hits my lungs I panic and my heart hurts and my conscious self has to step in and calm my body down.
They say drowning is the best way to go and I say they’re big fat fuckin liars.
It hurts like hell. It’s a searing crushing pain in your chest that feels like your imploding from the inside.
Then you take the last breathe and it’s sharp and hot then the light comes and THEN it comes.
However what people need to know about death is the physical reaction to it is dry different to the psychological and spiritual reaction to it.
The body might appear to suffer but the mind and soul will have already crossed over before impact on the physical even occurs.
And please bear in mind I’m saying the conscious and subconscious aren’t connected neither in purpose or function.
One is connected to the physical the other the Soul or Spirit.
She’s still alive and I know this because I feel her pain.
She’s not gone deep enough on the left arm but she’s lost enough blood that she’s in and out of consciousness.
I know this is gonna sound nuts but I swear she knows I’m with her.
I think she’s a reader of my blog. Because she’s hoping I’m right.
My arm is mental painful.
Cocaine OD is painful too. It feels like your eyes are gonna explode because your brain feels like it’s inflating and gonna push everything out of your orifices like play doh. Your face goes red because of the pressure build up and then the burning white foam comes out of your nose and it burns like fuck.
But only for a split second then it all settled down and your dead.
It’s horrible for me because I see it, feel it and think it, whatever they’re going through.
I think she’s close to death now because my left arm isn’t hurting a much and I’m starting to go numb.
Oh….she’s going warm.
I can’t see her. I feel dizzy. My eyes can’t focus because it’s all gonna swirly.
Has she been found? Or is she dying?
I can’t even believe this is happening right now.
Bollocks……….. I’ve lost the connect. My heart is pounding so hard right now.
I don’t know what’s happened. I just feel heroically nauseated.
If anyone knows her or you are her, please get in touch ok? firstname.lastname@example.org
If you know her and she crossed over and your reading this….she wasn’t alone. She has me with her. She knew it too.
She wasn’t afraid and won’t take any pain with her in Spirit.
I’m getting pain in my arm….I think she’s been found.
I hope so.
Dying is hard on a living person like me. It takes so long to recover from. Some take longer and are painful.
Death isn’t always guaranteed on impact. It can take a while for the body to die after the Spirit has detached. But the Spirit remembers nothing of their death. They don’t take it with them.
Smoke inhalation is like drowning except it’s choking instead of suffocating, however with smoke inhalation it’s quick. Because you go to sleep as you choke so it’s nicer I think. Most people just breathe it in to get it over with then it’s not painful once they realise it’s over.
What a bloody day. My heart is pounding. I swear she’s been found.
But of a dramatic post today lol sorry.
I’ve died every kind of way. I can describe them all in vivid detail because I live it. Not relive it, live it.
The joys of being a me.
The amount of tubes I’ve felt down my throat lol sometimes I lose my voice when I’m back.
Just another day, another drama in the life that is me.
Sound nuts yet?