Absorbing the pain

In the last 3 weeks I have been going through unknown murder cases for my students to try to pick up on.
When I was a teenager and young adult it is what I used to do. Death has always fascinated me. ALWAYS. I’m a Scorpio so I rule it, and the Occult but my Dad the Aries was the same. His book case was full of murder cases and books about Serial Killers etc….one of my favourite books was The FBI’s Handbook of Death. It documents all the ways people can die. It was like an A-Z of death.
The Medical Detectives TV show, I was obsessed with.
I would record them and sit and solve the murders. So this is what I’m doing with my students.
I am Empathic and connected to death on every level being of the Light.
I AM The Queen of Death. No one understands death better than me and I stand by that claim.
I’ve experienced every type of way to die from being what I am and seeing these deaths in books and TV shows etc….(as long as it is factual and not fictional death).
Drug overdoses, throat cut, falling, hanging, shot, stabbed, hit by cars, trains, plane crashes, beheading, poisoned, beaten, gassed, electrocuted, choking, buried alive, burned alive, choking, strangled, starvation, cancer, head caved in, blown up, infection, fever, heart attack, aneurysm, honestly, I’ve felt them all.
I’ve seen sights that would turn the stomach of even a seasoned Popo.
But a child’s death is the one thing I find the hardest to cope with and sadly in the last couple of weeks it’s all I’ve been dealing with.
As a Mother myself these parents who come to me for reassurance and love are the TRUE heroes of this world. To me it is the biggest sacrifice a soul can make, to give a child back to the Universe and I NEVER want to know that pain. I have lost babies and it was bad enough but even with my knowledge, to bury one of my Lights would do me in.
I watched my parents do it and I watch the both of them slowly decline and then both die 7 and 14 years after my sister died. (They all died within 7 years of each other.

As an Empath and person of the Light (meaning I can step into the light by stepping out of time) I absorb everything I see and feel. My students are now reacting the same way with me.
We have a kind of symbiotic relationship now where if I’m feeling something they feel it too.
It’s incredible the way all 10 of them can tune in to my and each others emotions and feelings even from different countries.
While the majority of them are in the US, I have 2 in the UK, 1 in Holland, 1 Kiwi, (well two but I’m Teach), Romania and the rest the US.
All super Telepathic and able to tap in to me.
It’s fascinating to watch.
But these last few weeks even they don’t know what I’ve been dealing with because as their Teacher and Protector of their Universe (until they get their own) I have to maintain a standard of professionalism.
So they will read this and know why I’ve been so quiet.
2 weeks ago I helped a Mum who’s ex husband killed their three gorgeous children, 3, nearly 6 (he was emphatic he was nearly 6 not 5 like a baby) and 9 years old. Murder suicide.
Also an 8yr old boy who hung himself because he feared school.
And a little precious girl who died of stomach cancer.
I’ve also had to trawl through murder cases for case studies to test my students Telepathic connection to Spirit and I’ve absorbed it like a sponge and I’m fucking knackered.

Death isn’t easy at the best of times but there is something just not right about the death of an Innocent.
It’s because they’re the very epitome of life and hope and the very essence of who we are. They are the direct result of thousands of years of ancestry and evolution and when it is removed it’s like the essence of you is destroyed.
That’s how it feels to me. It’s so painful there are no real words to describe the pain and for me thankfully it’s not as real like it is to the parents.
This is why I NEVER charge a grieving parent. I couldn’t in all good consciousness take money from a parent who lost a child.

But the one thing I have had throughout every experience I’ve had with these little Lights of Love is they are all so happy and wise in Spirit.
This is how I know child Spirits are the ones who evolve to the light the instant they die.
Because only the wisest Souls choose they hardest journey.
So to anyone reading this who has lost a child, firstly let me say my love and admiration for your strength and survival ability in my eyes makes you the strongest of us all. I simply can not put into words the respect I have for you.
You have chosen a tough journey to forge and one I never want to follow in the footsteps of.
But I also want to say this. You can all hold your heads up high and be proud of the fact that while you made the ultimate sacrifice you did it not knowing your children were going to evolve into pure light.
There is no one (other than the disabled) on this earth that goes to the light quicker.
Their journey while short leaves the biggest trail and you got to walk them to the light. They now represent you and your ancestry in the light and it is perfection there (in the light).
They want for nothing and have access to all knowledge and all time.
This journey you chose with them while painful, leaves the BIGGEST mark on this Universe of ours and I want to personally Thank you for your sacrifice so people like me could learn.
I honor your babies memory and your heroic strength. I never forget them even after all these years, I’ve never forgotten one single child Spirit yet barely remember my own sister. That’s the impact their light has.

I now need a couple of days to cry and get this emotion out because it’s been hard.
My boy is about to turn 8 so that one hit me hard.
I love what I do more than anything in this world. I have the best job in the world.
But even for the Queen of the Dead, it’s a loss felt hard even for me.

I salute you with my hand on your heart.

Love and Light always
Mama Bear