Being an Empath hurts

All my life since I was a little girl I’ve heard everybody around me say ‘I’m a softy’ or ‘Your too emotional’ or ‘You wear your heart on your sleeve’ and as a kid it used to just mean I was kind and gentle. By the time I was hitting my teen years and I began to realize what I was, I learned what an Empathic Person was.

It was my Mum that told me what I was and she said I was to never change. But honestly. I wish this was one gift I didn’t have and now my eldest son is one too and I can’t protect him.

Someone recently told me I was to emotional and it hurt. But it hurt because I had spent so much time and loss of money helping this person understand what was going on with them and because they feel I got too involved in their lives through their dreams, because they didn’t understand what an Empath was, I got hurt.

Well lets just look into what it is to be an Empath. I make it a rule never to get involved in a client’s life because of two reasons.

1) They can start to take advantage of what I am or

2) I get too involved and it ends up causing me heart ache.

An Empathic person feels emotion unlike any other person on the planet. We cry when we see suffering, we feel joy when we see a celebration. We can’t switch off our feelings. It is just who we are. From since I was a child I have been protected from watching certain movies and shows because they will affect me badly. To this day at the age of 40 I have never seen Bambi, Dumbo, Project X, and movies that involve animal or human suffering. I have made the mistake of watching The Lion King, The Green Mile, American History X, Schindler List, and Grave of the Fireflies. BIG MISTAKES!!!

I still can’t talk about The Green Miles main character who gets executed by name because I cry. Grave of the Fireflies traumatized me to the brink of needing therapy. Why? Because I felt their pain. I felt their fear and their suffering. It has nothing to do with good story writing, or wanting to get involved in their lives and everything to do with the fact that I hurt more than anyone. If someone next to me realized they won the Lottery right in front of me and started crying I would cry too. I would be hugging them and crying and jumping up and down and I would genuinely be THAT happy for them and I would be Thanking Spirit for giving that person such an amazing gift and also for letting me share their joy.

I don’t want their money, I don’t want their luck. There is nothing in it for me. I just love to see love and happiness and joy and celebration. It warms my heart but unfortunately we are currently living in a world where you have to look hard for the joys of life because we are surrounded by so much pain and suffering. My beautiful husband and even my family have literally banned certain channels from the house. My nephews and nieces will ring me up from New Zealand just to tell me not to watch a certain movie or program. They have been doing this since they were babies. So how bad do you think I am at being a softy that my own babies are protecting me from an early age?

If you imagine the worst times of your life, the most heart breaking, earth shattering, most emotional times of your life, combine every situation and times it by 100, that is me watching the News, Animal Hospital or the RSPCA commercials or the Green Bloody Mile.

I am banned from The Nature channels and Animal Planet shows. I have fought cats to get the birds and mice from their teeth and am proud to say I have been able to save a good 90% of them to send them back into the wild. For the other 10%.

Ask my ex husband. It’s unbearable. It hurts when someone thinks I am trying to get too involved in their life when all I’ve tried to do is help because they asked for it. It hurts when someone teases me for having a soft heart. My ex husband says it is one of the things he loved about me. He never makes fun of me. He never mocks or teases me about it.

Since the first time he saw me in action when a Meerkat got beaten up by other Meerkats on a documentary we were watching on our first holiday together, he opened his arms to me.

He has never once made me feel like I’m less of a person because I cry when I see pain and suffering. I just want to fix the world. If someone is confused, scared, hungry, alone, sick, injured, traumatized and I can help them I do. I can’t help it.

I will pay that £2 that someone in front of me is short of in the supermarket queue because I need to know they got their food for the week. I couldn’t sleep if I didn’t. I will give a homeless person my food if I order it in front of them. I take in the strays and rehome them. I have fed many hungry people in my home and sent them away full. One guy got about a weeks worth of left overs to put in his freezer because I had cooked him so much food he couldn’t eat it all. But he couldn’t afford food. So I fed him.

My ex husband brought a lot of the waifs and strays of the Gaming World home for a meal. I give my last £ to charity, I could go on and on and I can promise you, it is for no other reason than I need to know I have helped that person feel a little less sad, lonely, hungry scared etc…. I have been raising kids since I was 5 yrs old and first became an Aunty to 18 gorgeous children.

Anybody who knows me knows if I say I love you to someone, your mine for life. I will look after you, nurture you, protect you and guide you as much as I can. If you need money I will work extra hours to give it to you, if you need a home, my home is your home, I would die for every single person I love and yes even some strangers too.

I am passionate and I am strong, being Empathic makes you strong, because when you come across someone who doesn’t give themselves the privilege of getting to know you. They can be very hard on your Spirit though. Some people cannot comprehend the kindness and heart of an Empath. But maybe that says more about them and not about us Empaths.

You can be accused of some very hurtful things when your only agenda has been ‘wanting to help’. We live in such a cynical world now, a selfish, man eat man kind of world that if someone genuinely nice comes along you can get mistaken for having ‘other motives’. I’ve been accused of everything from trying to Kill my Father in law (because I made him sugar-free, eggless cakes) for the inheritance to trying to get into a guys pants (because I spent so much time helping him come to terms with the loss of his child).

People always think ‘She can’t really be that nice, she must be up to something’. Well sadly, yes I am THAT nice.

My poor ex husband, Fiance and family (Spiritual) and my one true best friend have to protect me from people like you because I go out of my way to want to make your life happy. I don’t mean to. I don’t make it my business to butt in, I don’t make a point of allowing myself to get hurt by you.

Why would I want to when it hurts so bad? I never come into your world without invitation, but you can’t have it both ways. You can’t take up all my spare time getting me to fix what is broken and then push me away because you think I’m trying to ‘get in’. You can’t have my gift and none of me. My gift IS me.

Without me my gift is nothing. We are together like lungs and breathing, or food and digestion.

Sometimes I walk into it with my eyes wide shut. But none the less, they give me the big hugs when I need it, pat me on the head and love me. And I need a lot of it just now.For those that love me, they love me for who I am. It has taken me a lot of years to find the few perfect people in my life who I trust with my life, my love and my heart.

So the next time you see someone crying over something you think is ‘Silly’,  bear in mind they might be Empathic. They don’t mean to hurt as much as they do. It’s the way the big guy made them. Without people like us the world would be a terrible place. And if I am lucky enough to love you in my life then I just want to say Thank you.

Thank you for being the sort of person that not only lets me be me, but you love me because of it. Thank you for protecting me also. While I sit here crying, with tears soaking my top, I want to Thank my niece for giving me the healing today that I needed. She did something for me I will never forget. I had no sleep, I was so so sad. But she made me realize it doesn’t matter who hurt me yesterday. It matters who loves me today. I will always feel the weight of the world on my shoulders and the pain in my heart, but as long as my family and my beautiful Fiance Martin, my incredible Ex Husband, and my Jess who are there to hold me up.

I am blessed. I got these people in my life BECAUSE I’m an Empathic. So maybe it’s not such a bad gift after all.

 

So be kind to the person crying in front of you. They may be just crying for you.

10 thoughts on “Being an Empath hurts

  1. I feel like you just described me! I completely empathize with you – pun intended! I was often ridiculed by my own family for being so sensitive all my life, and I only recently learned why. I have learned that we need to learn how to protect ourselves, but honestly I am still working on that. I love the ending lines of your post, by the way. Very telling and so true!

    • Oh, Thank you so much for that. It means a lot. I’m so used to being laughed at by the peole who don’t understand what it’s like so I appreciate your support as a fellow Empath. If you find a way to stop yourself from getting hurt, please let me know. I’m used to people calling me names because I see and talk to the dead but this is one gift I can’t toughen up with lol ironic aye? Love and Light Sister Love xoxox

      ________________________________

  2. Drat. I teared up reading this one, too. Didn’t actually shed them, but they sure did their best to rise to the occasion, lol.

    Acts of kindness and self-sacrifice make me cry like a baby. Green Mile? OMG… I bawled and bawled. Books, movies, TV shows, it doesn’t matter… I cry at the silliest things… but there are other things that *should* make me cry, but don’t. I don’t cry watching animal rescue shows, but I’ll cry seeing an animal actually being abused. It’s more like strong emotion triggers it, WHILE it’s happening. Like I said, it’s really odd what DOESN’T trigger me… usually.

    I do know it’s getting worse, lol. I find myself sniffling watching tv dramas. o.O Really? Argh. That’s so annoying, lol.

    By the way… if emotional things trigger you, not just violence… DON’T watch ‘The Notebook’. Tear-jerker.

    Maybe we should come up with an ‘Empathetic Don’t-Watch List’ LOL.

    I truly am grateful that I don’t retain the hurt after I no longer see it (with movies, tv shows, etc.).

    • That Empath post was written in response to someone I thought was a friend. He had asked me to be his friend, we had a good friendship but never seemed to care about the friendship. He has always been kind of mean to me but he would have a go at me for being concerned about him, he would yell at me and get angry for trying to support him in hard times and trying to help him see the positive side to things. In the end he started to say hurtful things to me about why I’m ‘too nice’ and why I’m ‘so soft’ etc…I tried to explain why I take things to heart but I think it fell on deaf ears. I had to decide to pull myself away and keep the friendship to a minimum least he say something really devastating (he’s also the guy I write about in the ‘I met he most amazing guy, let me tell you about his dreams’.) I’ve always had males for my closest friends, you and my other Cancerian friend are the only two female pals I’ve had that understand me the same way my bestie does (J Dub is my bestfriend of 16 years but we have never met lol he is in Michigan). I really care about this guy but his friendship seems to me ‘conditional’ and ‘on his terms’ and that’s no basis for a friendship. Anyway I digress, if you want a real cry, like cry so hard snot comes out and your left weak and tired, watch Grave of the Fire Flies (it’s japanese with subs but it’s so worth it) and Song for Marion (it’s a British film with famous British Actors) it had me balling so hard my boys cried thinking something was wrong with me lol So are you able to control your Empathy? If so how? I’ve always just avoided things and people protect me from stuff (LIke your Post about your Nan which I started to read then had to change the page because I couldn’t look anymore)

      • I figured that was the person you meant once you started describing it. I’d already read the other blog post.

        I, also, usually prefer hanging out with guys. Women’s drama is usually too draining, emotionally. I have very few close female friends.

        I can sometimes reduce the impact a TV show or movie has on me, because it’s embarrassing to cry in front of others over things that aren’t real… but in that moment, they’re real to me, emotionally, if not intellectually, but I’ve closed a lot of myself off, especially with emotions, and I have a lot of inner turmoil because of a lot of past hurt/emotional trauma. To be honest, closing yourself off from the emotion would result in retarding other things that I know you don’t want to.

        I guess it’s easiest said like this: all of your emotions come through the same door. Kind of like the front door to your home. If you keep shutting it to keep out the unwanted ‘guests’, eventually the wanted ones can’t come in, either, because there’s no way to tell who’s on the other side, trying to get in. Does that make sense?

  3. Ah yes. U pulled a few of my strings here. I also had to stop watching a nature program that ran for a episodes here. I couldnt take watching the baby animals being killed. I chased a hawk with my 3 year old behind me coz i thought it was after the beautiful Pukeku birds eggs!! Ducklings met an accident under my car when i coudnt swerve away in time on a motorway. I cried all the way to my destination and then some and i felt tortured for a whole week and still feel regret. I feared i was making my own child into a softie like me and worried of her future and how she might be taken advantage of n trampled over. After chatting with you im learning to accept myself as well as let my child be whoever she wants to be 🙂

  4. My daughter and I are both Empaths. I worry about her because she is young (7) and hasn’t learned to deal with it very effectively. We do not live in a compassionate world and most people think she’s “unstable”. The majority of the spirits in our home are drawn to her. She isn’t afraid, but I don’t know how to begin to explain to her where these spirits come from and why they choose her.

    • Hello Loving Mama,
      I can totally sympathize with you. Empathy is my least favourite gift because to hurt more than other people affects your life in so many ways and it is hard to explain to a child ‘You hurt when things you see or hear make you sad because you were born with a gift that means you see the world differently to other people’ But I’m actually in the middle of writing a children’s book about this very thing. My husband is illustrating it and his boyfriend (best friend he has a bromance with) is helping make what I write sound not crap lol as he is an actual writer. I’ve written the story but he’s making it sound like an actual story and not a ‘How to be Psychic as a Kid Handbook’ as it does sound a bit what’s the word? Educational rather than story like. But my son Robot is Empathic also, my family had to protect me my entire life and I was teased a lot for wearing my heart on my sleeve. You sadly can’t protect her from hurting, the world at the moment as you say is such a cynical greedy hurtful place but I promise it won’t always be that way. But all you can really do is remind her it’s a God given gift to feel the suffering of the planet and it means she will never grow up to be sad or angry. She will always be one of the good guys. That when she is older she can use her gift to help those who need it most. Of course I don’t put him in front of the things I know will hurt him, he is extremely psychic, he isn’t afraid of the Spirits in his life, but like me he will never see things like The Green Mile, Lion King, Sophies Choice etc…. as they broke me emotionally for life, I can spare him from that pain while he’s in my care if you know what I mean? While she is young there are things you can do, but teaching her to understand her gift is the best tool she will have in life. And once my book is completed, even without the illustrations, I will put a copy up here for you to print off and read to her okay?
      Thank you for coming to me.
      Love and Light
      Debbie

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