Dying and Grief explained

In previous blogs I have discussed from Spirits point of view what happens when we die. I have experienced many forms of death as a lot of Spirits will make me experience their passing without realizing.
Children and sudden deaths especially. But I just recently had my best friend lose a very dear friend of his and I think it helped him have the process explained to him when I assured him that his friend was in no pain and he would be around for a while until he felt it was okay to go.

My friend felt conflicted in how he should grieve as his upbringing dictated one thing but his Spiritual side said another. The truth is, Spirit don’t mind how you grieve. Grieving is for the living not the dead. They are pure beings of light when they pass. The funeral and how we say Goodbye is for our emotional assurance.

They don’t care what happens to the body, it is just the vessel. All Spirit are concerned about is how their loves ones are coping and who is looking after those loved ones. And I also think they like to have a nosy at who turns up to the funeral or Home coming etc….When it is my time I want a Celebration of Life not a funeral. There will be no church in my funeral because I will have a New Zealand Maori funeral called a Tangi.

The Maori way of grieving is nothing short of beautiful. It is such a lovely way to remember the person who has passed. The body is bought home within 24 hours of death and they are placed in a casket inside the largest room in the house. Usually the living room or the Marae (Meeting place).

Every single object is removed from that room including mirror and photos as no photo of the living is allowed near the dead. Bedding and mattresses are placed around the room and the entire house has a Tapu (protection spell) put on every room in the house to ward off evil energy. The immediate family sleep with the body and they are given three days to grieve. The body is never allowed to be left by itself so it doesn’t get lost going into the after life and so one person must remain in the room so the grieving family can eat and take breaks etc…The extended family take care of the grieving family 24/7.

The idea being they should only concentrate on grieving and the extended family provide food 24 hours a day, and pay bills, provide meals, snacks, groceries, mow lawns etc…do all the daily things the grieving family would do. They usually do shifts, breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper but food is there for as long as the Tangi lasts. No food or hats, or shoes, drinks, smoking is allowed in the Tangi room as the room is to be kept pure. When you enter you remove your shoes and hats etc…and when leaving you wash you hands in blessed water.

To keep pure so the Spirit is protected. Everyone who comes to pay respects will greet the head of the family first and work down to extended family and friends etc…before sitting with the body. We tell stories, sing songs, sometimes prayers etc…then on the 4th day the body goes for burial. In those days you cry, you laugh, you make amends with the deceased. Oh I forgot to say you also surround the casket with photos of the ones who have gone before them too. This is to remind the grieving who is there waiting for your loved on the other side so you don’t need to worry about them being lonely.
My Mum being of Maori was then taken to the family Marae, where she got honoured with a beautiful service, my Dad wet right to the family cemetery and my sister had a Catholic service then the cemetery. My dad would have haunted us if we took him to a church, he was a very traumatized Catholic boy lol But then after all that is done, they are buried and then exactly 12 months to the day of their death you have what we call an Unveiling. To unveil the headstone.

It is absolutely NOT allowed to be shown before that day. It is in my opinion more upsetting that the actual Tangi because it is the final goodbye. But the point of the Tangi to Unveiling thing is this. Spirit (The person who has died) gives you exactly one year to grieve. It gives them 1 year to watch over you to make sure your okay and then you unveiling the headstone and it is your way of saying ‘It’s okay, you can go now’. It’s a very emotional day because you’re in shock for a few months then you come to terms with it then you see their name carved in stone, its final. But the way Maori people grieve is the way that is right for us. I couldn’t do it any other way. It is how my children will know it.
But as I said to my best friend ‘He doesn’t care how you remember him, just that you remember him’. Spirit don’t need to big expensive caskets (it isn’t a coffin till it is buried), or the best spot in the cemetery, they just want you to be okay. They won’t go to the light until they know your taken care of. A lot of people I know of have grieved in such a way that they stop the Spirit from going over to the other side. And we all deserve to be in the light, children especially.

But it works like this. After we take our last breath, we are met with our loved ones who show us amazing love and embrace us with the light. Your then taken to the other side where you are healed. If we weren’t healed we would carry all the ills and illness of our last life onto the next and it would make our souls too heavy to bear. We must be cleansed of our past life. Depending on how we died depends on how long it takes to be healed. Children are instant, but people who had long illnesses and suicides take a bit longer because of the emotion attached to the soul before it passed. But in that time we are able to watch our loved ones. While we are Spirit we are then cut off from all emotion from our past life, our light as almost pure spiritual beings is so strong that we are allowed to keep that connection with our loved ones on earth so we can protect them in their time of grief and make sure our children know we aren’t really gone etc…The children will always see us first because the younger you are the closer you are to Spirit.

How we are in life is how we are in death and will be in the next life if we come back down again. Depending on how you live this life, depends on what happens in the next. Remember I said it was like a ladder and the villains of earth are put on the lowest rung. Because my understanding of it is there is no Hell, hell is just not going into the light. You spend your existence in limbo or purgatory, being made to feel 1000 times over the suffering you caused on earth until you finally get it right. It could take a millennia in our terms. But to them it could feel like 1000 years but actually only be 3 days.

The selfless, good hearted people will usually be given a choice on where they want to go. Back down, become a Spirit Elder, or Spirit who brings the homeless and unloved, unwanted over etc…

Children ALWAYS go to the top. Every child. Sick, Healthy, Killed, Murdered. All children are pure energy so they go up without question. It usually takes about an earth year to cope with the loss in your life as well as the loss of your loved one. Once that year is up they move on.
If you think about how you have grieved for someone when it first happens you feel alone, then after a day or two, you feel them there around you for a good three months.
You have a deeper connection with them in the first few months after death because they are ALL you can think about and it is when you’re having moments of sadness, like you start having to find things for insurances or you go through their clothes or when you remember your wedding day, or something meaningful is where you feel them the strongest but as time goes on they are able to pull back.
That is why time heals all wounds because the longer you go without them the further they are able to pull back and that is a GOOD thing to have happen.
The last thing we want is for our loved ones to feel obligated to stick around for our own reasons and comfort.

Your reminded of them not being there, you remember them in their clothes etc…they are there. They watch the children, they watch the parents, the siblings, the friends, the partner the pets all with the same amount of love and adoration. The just need to know your okay. As time heals your pain, they are able to pull back a bit more and concentrate on the things they will be doing more on the other side and usually after about 12 months and you have taken the first step towards moving on.

BUT!!! just because they may be reborn, just because they may become a Spirit Elder or Elder etc…doesn’t mean they can’t be with you anytime they want. Time is nothing to a Spirit. They can be omnipresent and even when reborn they are able to travel in sleep to visit loved ones. I’ve had and heard a lot of stories of people who have astral traveled and been aware of visiting strangers but knowing they were actually visiting ‘their wife in a past life or child’ We can only live one life at a time but out Spirit goes on forever even without a vessel.

My heart goes out to my friends pal’s wife. He was so young, and left a young wife and two small children and all he was worried about was his wife and kids. He didn’t leave her side, and is only now just starting to pull back. But he was lucky, he passed in his sleep so tragically his dead was a big shock. But it is deaths like Adams that seem the hardest to cope with. Naturally.

You didn’t expect it. But death is death. To the living there is nothing worse, but to them it is just the next phase in their Spiritual learning. They do it so they can eventually become beings of pure light.
When you’re a being of pure light you can choose what you want to do next. Depending on where you are on the ladder depends on this also. If you’re in the middle or the bottom you can guarantee your coming back lol.

But as I have said before, you all need to know that no matter the death, to them it was painless. The Spirit is removed before the last breath. For those who linger it is usually just to make sure everyone has been contacted to say goodbye, or they are deciding whether to come back or leave to go to Spirit. But here comes the warning.

Our grief can make a Spirit linger longer and it is very painful for them to be torn between this life and the afterlife. It’s very traumatic for them. They need to be let go of. This is accountable for a lot of haunting activity. If you keep calling on them they can never cross over.

All Spirits need to be crossed over. It is my goal to eventually see all Spirits crossed over so there are no more places haunted on the planet. It will take a few people a few life times but look at your loved one beside you and imagine they have passed over. You’re in so much pain and then years later people are taking photos and recordings of their essence when all they want to do is go to the light and wait for you, or go on to become the much wanted child of an infertile couple. But generations of people have kept them bound here in the name of morbid curiosity, research or for cheap thrills. Now imagine your loved one in 300 years time, STILL stuck here, long after you have passed over, long after your great great grandchildren have passed over.

Please, if your able to, pass them to the light. Some might through their own fear, not go, but do your best to pass them over. They have families waiting for them. Wouldn’t you want to wait to be with yours?

I forgot to say as well that the longer we are passed over the more energy we need to come through. This is why they require so much battery power and the like to come through. A newly passed Spirit has so much fresher attachment to this realm that it isn’t hard for them. Someone who has been gone for decades who flits between the two realms needs more help to come through. Never the less, they should have the right to move on as they see fit.

Grief is the worst feeling a person will ever feel. Death is cruel and affects all of us on this planet. It is ageless, sexless, culture less and has no religious affiliation. We will all experience it at some time. Some of us more than others. But there is no right way to grieve. Remember that. You will grieve in a way that is right for you. Spirit don’t expect anything of us in our time of grief. They understand what we are going through. They will make themselves known to you when the time is right. They always do.
Don’t honor them for them, honor them for you. The loss you feel will not be unnoticed by Spirit and if you listen and pay attention, there are plenty of things they do to let you know they are there and it isn’t just the one who has passed. When we lost Mum, I felt Dad.

I was 17,000 miles away when I lost my Mummy. And as I say knowing her funeral was taking place I sat on my couch in tears and I just wanted to feel her and with that I felt my cheeks go warm and the glow of my heart was beautiful. I knew she was holding my face in her hands as she did in life. I still miss her so much 8 years later but I know she is there.

When you grieve as a Spiritual person while it is still hard, there is an acceptance that they aren’t gone, just away for a while. The lines of communication are still as strong in passing as in death and I probably talk to my parents more now to be honest.
But even for us grief isn’t kind.
Cry for them, remember them, love and honor them, but honor yourself too, they haven’t gone anywhere, you just can’t see them right now but you will, when the time is right.

The love keeps the memory alive. Always know they are there when you want them to be, when you need them to be, but when the time is right.
It is okay to let them go. It doesn’t stop the love you have for each other, your just letting them move on to be the amazing Spirits they were in person. Know they go on to help the lonely, the forgotten, the war-torn, the childless, they become Guardians of a soul, they save people’s lives and give people hope.
But not once do they forget about you. And why wouldn’t they? Your love made them immortal.

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8 thoughts on “Dying and Grief explained

  1. You stated…”Back down, become a Spirit Elder, or Spirit who brings the homeless and unloved, unwanted over etc” what do you mean be this? When some beings die, do they not have love ones waiting for them ?

  2. I have a question here.My elder cousin sister committed suicide 10years ago.Few years ago my uncle through some paranormal researcher (i dont knw wat ro call them) contacted her ,and my uncle became the medium.All then he saw he depicted through words and are recorded.He said he kept calling her and saw her playing with kids in some mountain area.and was so happy.he called her but she cudnot reply him.so if a spirit had got a life is it possible that her previous family can contact her and talk to her???

    • Her family can contact her and talk to her anytime they want. She knows and see’s everything. She might not always reply but she will hear you. Whenever I see mountains and meadows, with children and animals are around and that kind of setting that is Heaven to me. By which I mean it is the closest image I have to knowing it is coming directly from God.I’ve had dreams where I’ve been standing in the scene you described and I’ve known that is God himself talking to me. Your cousin was just letting her Dad know she was safe and in the best possible place. They can talk anytime they like. She isn’t bound by time or space in the Spirit realm. She is anywhere and everywhere she wants to be all at once, past, present and future. But for reasons known only to her she might not always reply, BUT she WILL hear you and love you for ever.

  3. Asking a personal question.your father’s spirit stays with you but dont you see your mum??and cant you send your father’s spirit back to the light??as you said he may be sufferring here.why he is not passed on to the other side…

    • Huh? Garima my Dad isn’t trapped. He just watches over his grandson because my son has powerful gifts. Garima Spirits are in the light as soon as they pass over. They can come and go as they please. He’s not a resident Spirit, he’s a Spirit, free roaming and loving. Spirits aren’t meant to be stuck in the Spirit realm. It’s their duty to roam to learn and teach. By having contact with the living it teaches us and them. They can come and go as they please, past present and future for eternity. How boring to be stuck in The Spirit Realm I think lol my country New Zealand is Gods Own as far as im concerned but even I wouldn’t want to live there for all eternity.
      But some Spirits choose to stay, and some are too frightened to pass over to the light so they run away from it when they die and those are the ones who need crossing over. My Daddy and Grandmother protect my son because like me he has a very powerful gift and has had a couple of incidences with Dark energies. I was so happy when I found out.
      I hope you understand now.
      I love your questions lol I embrace and encourage questions because you’ve opened yourself up to educate yourself in the Paranormal which is what Spirit want for us instead of religion.

  4. Yess I always wanted to educate myself with the paranormal or occult …U knw Debbie since childhood I am a firm believer in God but side by side always felt that some non living or spirit existence is there in this planet around us..I always looked up in the sky and thought for hours where the spirits go and how there house looks like..I was 10years wen i had drawn a white landscape and clouds and and made paintings of spirits..lol..my mom got scared as wat i was doing…lol…but slowly i had a feeling to know abt spirits ..I really wanted to have study and researches on paranormal and occult..but thats not possible in India..people in my society took me as insane..but now wen i tell them (i m ur student now nd following ur blog as lessons) they ask me hw do I knw this!!! Lol…I answer them that i know sumone a lady from New Zealand she educates me with proper scientific reasoning…
    I literally thank God for sending me to ur blog address..lol..trust me from the core of my heart how much gratefull I am unto you,u wont believe this.I wait when u gonna post new thing…Even I sit with my mobile and stay awake till 3am so that i can write and your post comes in that time only according to GMT…lol…

    • lol Oh bless you Garima lol your as mad as I am lol
      Well look at it this way, Jesus spoke to Spirits and the Catholics have a holiday to him coming back as a Spirit (Easter) so if it’s good enough for one son of God then it’s good enough for his 7 billion other kids as well lol

  5. I have been having somewhat of nightmares. One day I woke up to someone calling my name in my ear but no one was home. I’ve been having dreams of spirits coming for me while I’m standing in water. And dreams of spirits with no eyes. Not that their eyes are gouged out but that part of their face is blurred out. I wake up and just feel like something is there. What do I do?